Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
