We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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