this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
