I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
