The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
