So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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