lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
