I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
