I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
