I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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