I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
