I showed him my bush... on skype.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
