Will you blow on my dice?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
