my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
