She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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