Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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