god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
