That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
