In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Buhtt sex?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
