margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.