Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.