is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."