Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
