doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
