Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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