# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
