Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You don't make any sense
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