Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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