When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
