i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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