he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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