I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she looked like the before picture.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
