I can't breathe out the right side of my face
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
