Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
