Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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