I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize