I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
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She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
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I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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