Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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