I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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