Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
