She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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