So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
