Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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