I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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