dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
