why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
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I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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