so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize