I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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