I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
