If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
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And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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