Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
