I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
