You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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