dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
