I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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