I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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