I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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