They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
